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MOOM PITCHER REVIEW! TILLIE'S PUNCTURED ROMANCE STARRING MARIE DRESSLER, MABEL NORMAND AND CHARLIE CHAPLIN (Keystone Studios, 1914)

OK, you thought that funny har-hars were strictly the domain of alla those cabal tee-vee standup "comedians" and late night hosts who more or less wag the finger at'cha 'stead of crank out the jokes that stick to you like peanut butter to your butthole (tryin' to appeal to the more adventurous portion of my readership here)! Lemme tell you that nothing has been that funny if funny at all in the entertainment realm for ages on end! Let's face it, with all of the restrictions on what can be said and what is prim and proper these days you CANNOT in any way be offensive or disrespectful to the exact types of people you used to laugh at (and for that matter, the people you are SUPPOSED to laugh at) one tiny bit! In other words, YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE ANY FUN (nasty or not) ANYMORE because that very act in itself is downright evil especially with all of those persecuted left-handed herniated Huguenots out there we're supposed to take pity on. How dare you even CHORTLE considering just how things really are that restrictive here in the bright and beautiful twenties! 

But if you wanna go back a good hundred 'n ten years well, WE WERE ALLOWED TO LAUGH ALL WE WANTED and we were allowed to even make fun of all of the same kinda people who we're not supposed to even look sideways at these days lest we start a huge brawl that'll send us to the nearest morgue let alone emergency room. Back then people used to whoop it up all the time and even at things that would seem verboten to even the most hidebound prissies you see these days. Best of all they made no qualms about the content of their merrymaking, and you sure could see it in their movies. Face it, your great-great-great-GREAT grandpappy was the lucky one if he had the pennies it would have cost to get him a good seat in the local nickleodeon to set himself right plump smack in a seat to see a moom pitcher like TILLIE'S PUNCTURED ROMANCE!

It's a wild 'un too, the first ever feature length comedy film that helped make cinema so...cinematic and made plain jane gals from mid-Ameriga wanna run away to Hollywood to get knocked up by Wallace Reid.

Marie Dressler, here seen in her pre-Tugboat Annie days, is perfect as the clutzy chub of a country-bumpkin Tillie who is seduced not because she's such a sausage straightener but for her daddy's huge bankroll. The cad in question's played by none other'n Charlie Chaplin, a rather despicable yet entertaining wonk who's working hand-in-hand with his confederate played to juicy perfection by former Biograph actress Mabel Normand. In case yer interested, Chaplin is not blessing us with his longstanding tramp role despite the trademark cane and shabby appearance (here he sports a pencil-thin moustache 'stead of the usual Hitler toothbrush) and frankly he does a great job as the cheat complete with the expected pratfalls and acrobatic sightgags one would have expected with his earliest (and undoubtedly finest) work. I guess his ego and penis hadn't gotten the best of him yet.

The storyline goes from har har to roll on the floor hysterics as Chaplin romances the hulking Tillie, at one point getting her drunk in order to abscond with the moolah leading to a whole load of stomach jiggling that'll get your guts aching! Things get even funnier when Tillie's millionaire uncle dies and the gal inherits his fortune and palatial digs making Chaplin even more anxious to tie the knot! It all ends in a total free for all at the wedding reception being held at Tillie's recently acquired mansion which culminates in a surprise that changes the game and rather abruptly at that!

I'm sure a few of you readers will be quite upset over the lack of various protected classes who are nowhere to be seen in this film. You might be happy to know that a person of the light loafer persuasion does makes a brief appearance in full swish mode during the wedding reception scene, but other'n that there's not a sexual deviant (unless you count Chaplin) or a non-Caucasian anywhere in TILLIE'S PUNCTURED ROMANCE. Then again there are no blasting radios or loud arguments which wouldn't have mattered anyway since this is a silent film, but if it is any consolation to you the brawl that winds this comedy classic up will make you glad that some things do not change, even if this scene does not take place in a McDonalds.

All right, judge for yourself! Of course you will disagree with me 1000% but then again all I gotta say is, what else is OLD...