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MOOM PITCHER REVIEW! THE LION OF ST. MARK STARRING GORDON SCOTT! (Italy, 1963)

Sheesh, if it weren't for moom pitchers like THE LION OF ST. MARK your local tee-vee stations woulda been forced to air nothing but LEARN TO DRAW WITH JON GNAGY reruns Sunday afternoons! Films like this 'un were cheap, imported (an important factor in  local television movie broadcasting until 1961 showed up) and best of all entertaining for the standard suburban slob kid who shoulda been out playin' with the other kids but we knew our priorities whether it was a sunny day or not, and our priorities were television, comic books, records and Cheetos (the fried to a crackly crunch type!).

Onetime Tarzan Scott does better'n Roger Ebert would ever admit as the lead, a prototype Zorro/Scarlet Pimple type fighting off pirates who were plaguing the City State of Venice during the earlier part of the 17th century. One of them pirates just happens to be a kinda good looking gal (tho since she is Eyetalian just how good looking can she be?) who, like females in general, is so fickle you don't know whether she is working for our hero or her pirate bad boys switching sides when things seem to be going the wrong way. In between there are the usual slow scenes building up on the power struggles as well as the cool action sequences that the boys all went nuts for. In between the two you get a moom that will keep your attention at least most of the time since there really aren't that many slobberin' scenes, and right when you think the party sequence is gettin' a li'l too technical for your IQ 80 brain the pirates come in to add a little whomp! to boost you outta your doldrums.

Should be an easy enough find online---perhaps the whole thing is available via Youtube which is a place it seems these kinda films end up. Would make for a good experience if you can dial the thing up and watch it while layin' on yer belly with a snack handy, and don't forget to scatter a few Tootsietoys 'round the room so's you have something to push back 'n forth when the grownups are talkin' alla that extraneous stuff that seems like its there for the grownups 'n no one else!