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MOOM PITCHER REVIEW! THE CHOPPERS starring Arch Hall Jr.!!! (Fairway International, 1961)

Other'n DEADWOOD 76 this was the only Arch Hall Jr. I missed out on seeing lo these many years, but thanks to the fine folk at Norton Records I was able to obtain a Dee-Vee-Dee of THE CHOPPERS and y'know what, I'm sure glad that I got to see it even if it is in the here and now!

Of course I would have preferred to see the thing on tee-vee back when I was a mere twelve and sure coulda used a moom pitcher like this to relieve myself of all the hippie women's lib garbage that was being tossed about! Y'know, I get the sneakin' suspicion that even then there was a high-minded crusade goin' on to cleanse the world of alla that fun Baby Boom sorta entertainment like THE CHOPPERS that was preventing us all from going to that peace 'n love school that popped up in BILLY JACK. Why do you think that James Taylor was getting the big push back then while Black Sabbath had trouble breaking onto the radio anyhow??? And I'll tell you what, and that is they're gonna have to pry my ABBOT AND COSTELLO disques from my cold, dead fingers and that's a fact!

Some ladies have no shame! Thank
goodness!

But enough on me and now to the moom at hand. THE CHOPPERS is a fast-paced, fin-packed li'l flicker that sure says a whole lot more about the early-sixties juvie delinquent situation than alla those WEST SIDE STORY fags (as my uncle screamed at 'em while we were watching the network tee-vee debut of that 'un way back '71 way!) ever could. Hall Jr.'s the leader of a pack of teenage car strippers working the SoCal area who are doing a pretty good job of it, so good that even the local fence Moose McGill (Bruno VeSota) thinks they're getting too big for their britches and decides to pull a dirty deal on 'em. Meanwhile the kids, getting away with one stripping after another, make the local gendarmes look totally stoopid to the point where they even pilfer from a detective's car while he and his fellow policemen (including PLAYBOY centerfold Marianna Gaba) hit the local drive in for a chow down.

No need to get into any of the other details regarding this flick other'n it ends in a big frenzy of violence that I sure would have liked to have been bloodier and ultra-violent, but then again that's just my youthful spark a poppin'.

The acting is top notch (don't ever fall for any of that turkey film hokum written by starry-eyed fart holder-inners who consider James Stewart some shining beacon of Western Civilization while continuing to pee-pee on the really exciting film career of so many worthies) and about as action packed as these things could get without turning the stomachs of many a teenage date. Hall Jr. shows professional sass and class even in this debut performance while the rest of the gang are as b-film fun as they come, meaning that they come off way more REAL LIFE'n these preening prancer you see nowadays who emote so much they make Sarah Bernhardt look like Byron Foulger.

Even the cops come off more everyday suburban ranch house than the tender-hearted touchy feely policemen that would eventually overtake the airwaves and moom screens of the seventies onwards.

And I gotta say that I was especially knocked out by Deegee Green as Gypsy, Hall Jr.'s galpal who sure reminds me of what the female s-x used to look like when I was but a mere turdler and couldn't wait to grow up to see more! Kinda cute and reserved yet sexy in her own way, and it's too bad that by the time I started sprouting pubes gals like this had been replaced by bulging loudmouth self-centered uncaged lions who should have been rounded up into a corral and given sweetness 'n light shots! That is, along with a hefty dose of Metrecal and some choice episodes of THE JACK LA LANNE SHOW. As I've said, no wonder a good portion of the male population has gone over to fagdom given the current state of copulation choices we now have.

A definite winner that not only captures the entire state of funtimes past, but acts as a sad reminder of what we were and will probably never be again, at least until the advent of the Even Newer World Order once I get in charge!