Saturday, August 09, 2014

Considering that this post is, just like last week's, a rather sick example of what a respected (hah!) blogschpieler like myself can whip up for your dining and dancing pleasure, I thought I'd review a few more of the sites linked up on your left and give my own personal opines regarding what I think of 'em and why I decided to slap 'em up here inna first place. Yeah, this portion of today's blog might just be about as exciting as looking at photos from your gay brother's latest proctology exam and mistaking it for slides from the family's Mammoth Cave vacation but remember, one mere WORD spewed forth on this blog packs a more potent punch than the competition's last year of rock "writing" combined so shut your mouth for once, willya?

I've written before about just how much I didn't give a rock critic's ass for CRACKED, SICK, CRAZY and a good portion of the various MAD swipes that were cluttering the satire portion of your local newsstand throughout the sixties and seventies. If the motto for these collected knockoffs was indeed "dare to be dumb" they surely lived up to their reputations, what with their pilfering past and future MAD regulars to crank out  reams of comparatively uninspiring art and sneaking in the visage of Alfred E. Neuman whenever they could get away with it in order to do a little good natured nose rubbing. The results were mostly worthless, and all of that dismal writing just made the turds smell even stronger, if you know what I mean.

Therefore it might seem peculiar that I would link up the CRACKED magazine website on my own beloved blog. As usual, there is madness in my method because frankly this site has just about as much to do with CRACKED the magazine as MAD the magazine has to do with---what MAD the magazine used to be during its long drag through the years.

Don't worry about cringing through all of those obvious MAD swipes, for CRACKED the site is actually a halfway decent sarcastic site filled with humorous stories and top five lists that actually do have a certain relationship with your otherwise mundane existence. The ones dealing with old time gulcher and comic goo are the ones that appeal to me the most, and if you're the kinda guy who likes reading about the dark underbelly of long-gone cinema or just have a strong hatred for Walt Disney, you just might like it. But I sincerely doubt it.

And surprisingly enough, it does do my heart good knowing that such an entity as CRACKED, no matter how convoluted and trite it could have been, exists in some form these sorry days. But then again, it's kinda like the same feeling I get knowing that BEETLE BAILEY, BLONDIE and DICK TRACY are still up and about and how many times do any of us read those comics anymore?
I'm sure that any suburban slob who's poured through an import bin back '77 way and saw that dark grey copy of Iggy and the Stooges' METALLIC KO remembers the strange Skydog label from whence this demi-above ground bootleg album appeared. Soon after more'n a few of us began noticing Skydog albums as well as singles popping up all over the import/back-door record shop scene, and that coupled with the fact that this company seemed like the kind of label custom made for us subteen sputum all agog over those early seventies 99-cent cutouts really did something as far as stimulating our work ethic if only we could afford the $$$ to purchase as many of these platters as we could.

If you like reminiscing about those days, or (like I do) try to kid yourself into believing it's still 1978 even if alla them creeps out there are trying to drag us into the 21st century kicking and screaming, the Skydog site linked above certainly does help. A nice tribute to a label that seems to be going strong, even in a world that couldn't give two whits about punkism or intensity anymore which is really saying something positive. Could be a little more thorough in the history department but you might fill a few gaps in your mind if you care to peruse the thing for but a few minutes.
THE DAILY RASH ain't as funny as the DIVERSITY CHRONICLE blog but it still comes off with a few snickers and guffaws. I will 'fess up to the fact that it's funnier'n THE ONION, especially since that site's become too defensively uberprog and self-consciously pious for my own tastes. Prime targets include Chris Matthews, Rachel Maddow, Al Sharpton and the ever-lovin' Joe Biden. Sometimes the president himself makes a surprise appearance like he did in the over-the-hills-and-far-away funny "Obama Welcomes First Transgender Baby to White House". If you don't find this really roll-on-the-floor high-larious, I truly do hope you are offended.
Well, enough of that blab---on to the part you've been waiting for lo these many paragraphs...

The Dave Clark Five-HAVING A WILD WEEKEND CD-r burn (originally on Epic)

Compared with the last Dave Clark album reviewed, not bad at all. These guys coulda used a few lessons from the Sonics in sax-laden high energy, but they fare well not only on their better known material but the instrumental chiller "No Stopping". Of course there are the two string-laden 'n gloppy to the nth degree tracks to contend with (which I assume were used as incidental music for the moom pitcher of the same name...I mean, what else?) but you can woosh those outta your system faster'n Fleet after givin' the more rockin' tracks a steady listening or two.
Southern Culture on the Skids-DIG THIS CD-r burn (originally on Kudzu)

I usually don't go for these neuvo retrobilly type platters that much, but this one is slightly better'n the usual crew. At times authentico enough to sound like real-life early-sixties loco radio spin fodder which is a startling surprise. And while a good portion of this Cee-Dee does have that Cramps-ish rear-view mirror gazeback that only the Cramps seemed to do with any authenticity, I can't see why this shouldn't appeal to all of those new wave-o types who tired of the stuff 'round '82 way and were looking for something a li'l rootsier yet not quite the real deal. The karaoke tracks tagged at the end should be a hoot at your next party, as long as you don't invite Aunt Martha to sing along with some of the selections present.
Jackson Beck as PHILO VANCE CD-r burn (old timey radio series)

I'm sure a whole lotta grandpas 'n grandmas out there will get them zoom back memories listening to these old mystery radio shows Bill has been shooting at me, but whenever I hear 'em I merely recall those adolescent days when WPIC-FM would run this one spook series whose name I forget (Saturday night at 9:30) with some local horror host type doing the usual cornballus gags along the lines of calling the then-recent Sinatra album LIVE AT SLAUGHTERTOWN...typical har-de-har-har gags like that which probably were funnier when you were an elevem year old but nowadays go over worse than a Porky Pig cartoon at a Bar Mitzvah.

Maybe I did mention this interesting bit of autobiographical goo in a previous post but dang, there's only so much you can say about these radio mystery/detective/comedy shows other'n they're kinda like I LOVE LUCY and ARMCHAIR DETECTIVE w/o the picture.

Two good 'un's here, the first having to do with noted detective Philo Vance on the tail of some guys holding up various society page get togethers using a strange code that Vance was able to crack like potrzebie (and the reasoning behind the code crack is even stranger'n the code itself!) while the second has to do with this young political reformer out to bust the local machine who gets threatened with his life, shrugs it off and of course gets what he was asking for like any doofus out there in radioland coulda told ya. Both tales are solid 'n smooth, though I was wondering why Philo's arch enemy Onions Oregano wasn't in either of these episodes considering just how much this gadfly was Moriarity to Philo's Holmes...oh wait, that's Philo KVETCH! Well, for a kid who used to get not only ARCHIE and FRECKLES but DICK TRACY and FEARLESS FOSDICK (not to mention BUGS BUNNY and MOE HARE) mixed up, it is an honest mistake!
Thee Oh Sees-DROP CD-r burn (originally on Castle Face)

You may remember that I didn't really care for this group's earlier (debut?) effort, but DROP seemed to settle in quite well with my own sense of suburban slob addledness. Yeah this sounds as 2014 as the latest hog caller to make his way to AMERIGA'S GOT MEDIOCRITY, but the echoes of mid-sixties garage band psychedelia does lend a tasty edge to it all. And dang it if Thee Oh Sees will surprise you what with their crafty emulations (OK---swipes) of everyone from the Thirteenth Floor Elevators to the Move! A surprise sleeper that I have the feeling's gonna get shoved to the side even in these internet-conscious days where just about anyone can be a star, even if it is in the privacy of their own bedroom.
Various Artists-WHISTLING BURGERS AND BEETLES CD-r burn (Bill Shute Productions)

Being in a particularly turdsville mood when I wrote this (last Monday to be exact), the arrival of Bill Shute's latest Care Package didn't quite pep me up the way I thought it would. However, I found that listening to WHISTLING BURGERS AND BEETLES a whole lot more fitting a way to cap off the worst day (so far) in the year that had I spent the final hours of twilight's first gleaming spinning THE FARTING CONTEST. Starts off swell with the Blisters' '63 shot outta nowhere "Shortnin' Bread" (the famed toe tapper done up with loads of hot sauce dumped on it) which really woulda fit in with the refreshing blend that year's top 40 was noted for, along with old radio ad spots (the kind where they tone down the music so's the local announcer can hype the rubes) and the standard garage band (Daily Flash) 'n country twang (Jerry Smith) Bill loves sooooo much. High points...Montreal Burger Stand lowdown, Robyn Hitchcock doing Syd Barrett which is better'n Robyn Hitchcock doing himself if you ask me, and the Edison Military Band's 1908 rendition of "The Whistler and his Dog", a song you won't know by name but sure will by toon! Sheesh, I wonder why I'm still in a keyed up, pissed off mood after spinning this classic set but man, I am!

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