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PEARLS OF WISDOM FOR TODAY (or Chris being sociopolitical again alienating even more readers!)

Don't worry, I will deliver on my 45 rpm roundup in a few days time, but in the meanwhile I found (and became staggered by) this particular list which was part of the comments that popped up after a rather delicious Clyde Wilson post I chanced upon while perusing the CHRONICLES website only just yesterday. This bit was written by a Sid Cundiff, who labeled these tastefully sarcastic barbs noneother'n "Myths Believed By Both Brits and Yanks," or something to that effect and frankly, self-righteous I has gotta 'fess up to the fact that I pretty much agree with the man on just about all counts (at least the ones I have familiarized myself with...no pop quizzes pleeze!]) 'cept for the one about Marcel Duchamp and Michaelangelo natch! (Duchamp was the tops in my book [w/regards to setting the stage for 20th cent. art hijinx not to mention John Cage's entire reason for existence], at least compared to that fag Italian!) And since this is MY blog I thought I'd shove a li'l more pointedness your much-needed way in order to show you all the grave error of alternative/hipster deceit so common in this postmodern world of ours. In a word, a wowzer...

That Richard III of England was a wicked hunchback,
– that the Spanish Inquisition toasted the toes of thousands,
– that the Anglican Church exists for some other reason than that Henry VIII wanted a divorce,
– that Charles I was just Lucius Tarquinius Superbus recycled,
– that James II of England was a evil Papist hatching one Popish Plot after another,
– that the “Glorious Revolution” brought religious and political freedom, along with peace and fiscal security (especially to Ireland!)
– that the same was “glorious” (i.e. unbloody),
– that the value of a product is determined by how much labor goes into making it,
– that in 1914 German soldiers were eating Belgian children,
– that the Lusitania wasn’t carrying munitions to use against Germans, and thus only carried innocent civilians, who were never warned of the possible danger by the German government,
– that the only thing wrong with the Treaty of Versailles in 1919 was that it didn’t hang the Kaiser,
– that Fascism, Naziism and Francoism are all the same,
– that the Spanish Republicans were great friends of justice, democracy, and human rights,
– that the strategic bombing campaign of Air Marshal Arthur Harris was just, effective, and shortened World War II,
– that the Blacks brought to Jamestown in 1619 were slaves, or were enslaved at once,
– that the Pilgrims were the first English settlers in America,
– that the American War for Secession From the British Empire was a “revolution”,
– that Africans did not sell Africans into slavery and did not sell them to New England ship masters,
– that Slavery and Jim Crow only existed in the South,
– that the US constitution of 1787 stripped the states of all sovereignty and made the Federal Government sole sovereign and sole judge of its own powers, and that Webster sincerely believed this,
– that the Federal Government made the states, and made them to be franchises of the Federal Government,
– that states didn’t make The Federal Government as their agent, answerable to them,
– that the Constitution means what the Supreme Court says it means,
– that the Constitution forbids states secession,
– that the 10th Amendment is fairy tale collected by the Brothers Grimm,
– that George Washington was the first president of the US [he was the 13th],
– that Al Hamilton and Nicholas Biddle were really swell economists,
– that U.S. won the War of 1812,
– that “American blood [was] shed on American soil” by the Mexican government in 1845,
– that the majority of Southerners before 1863 owned slaves,
– that Robert E. Lee thought slavery was just peachy,
– that there were no Black slave holders,
– that Lincoln’s War Against Southern Secession was a “Civil War”,
– that the same was fought over slavery, not tariffs,
– that Lincoln thought Blacks were really groovy,
– that Lincoln opposed slavery,
– that the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves, and had that purpose,
– that Reconstruction was a really awesome expression of justice & peace & love,
– that the “robber barons” were robbers,
– that the Spanish sank the Maine,
– the Federal Reserve has stabilized the currency in a way that gold didn’t, and has actually increased the dollar’s value (in a way gold didn’t),
– that the Germans started World War I,
– that the US acted as an impartial neutral in World War I until April 1917,
– that World War I was a great crusade by The Righteous Nation to make the world safe for democracy, led by St. Woodrow,
– that what happened in 1929 was a “depression”,
- that the programs of Hoover and Franklin Roosevelt were different,
– that these programs didn’t turn the Recession of 1929 into the Depression of 1931 and didn’t prolonged the same,
– that the New Deal saved the country from the Great Depression,
– that there was less unemployment in the US in 1937 than in 1933,
– that World War II ended the Great Depression,
– that Germans – one and all – were and are cold-blooded killers,
– that Pius XII stoked the ovens at Auschwitz,
– that the A-bombs are what brought the Japanese to surrender, and not the belated promise to protect the Emperor,
– that the Black family is better off as an institution today than in 1950,
– that The Great Society programs significantly lowered the rate of poverty,
– that The Reverend Louis Farrakhan has talked to the late Reverend Elijah Muhammad on an alien space ship,
– that Alice Walker is just as good Homer,
– that Marcel Duchamp’s “Great Glass” is just as good as the Sistine Chapel,
– that Brittany Spears is better than Josquin des Prez,
– that today more American children than ever have an opportunity for an excellent education,
– Marie Antoinette said “Let them eat cake”,
– that Washington had a wrath against cherry trees,
– that one should never wash out a teapot with soap and water,
– and that if you step on a crack then you’ll break your mother’s back

Beg to differ???