Saturday, September 21, 2019

Er --- uh ---  hi! Hope things are pickin' up at least in a downright life-reaffirming way for you like they are for me! Not that the music that I adore is comin' at me with all of the fiery force of a rectal rocket brought on by one too many burritos, or that all of the tee-vee shows that I MUST see before I clock out for good will parade before my eyes any time soon. But sheesh, once I do my proper suburban slob duty and REVERT BACK TO THE AGE OF THREE (just like Iggy usedta) everything makes all the more sense to me especially now in that journey to that plot with my name on it. Back then I really was better off...I mean, I could appreciate all that was around me as being the peak of where mankind could go (if it went any further we'd be in SUPERCAR and JETSONS territory) and in fact I could swear that I actually had special super powers that unfortunately faded away once I grew older and something went kaput inna mind. Either that or someone told me to knock all that stoopidity off. To this day I just KNOW that I not only could make time stand still (just like on BEWITCHED an' I was doin' just that even before that show came onna air!) but make contact with weird inter-dimensional freaky alien types who were entering into the house in order to cause some strange mishap with the toaster. Y'know, sometimes I think I still have those uber-human powers stored into my cranial capacity only I don't use them because well, how would it have looked for me to conjure up the GREAT AVENGING MAGNETO-FORCE when I was in high stool anyway especially when we all needed it? Well, if I did it to my sophomore English teacher I might have been considered a hero.

But getting back to the issue at hand, at least when I was in the turdler stage o' life I really could appreciate the simpler things from sunny hot days to overcast autumn ones as well as stuck in the house winters when I'd at least have a reason to stay secure in the tee-vee room with my toys shoved into the corner. As I grew older a dark rainy day or the way the sun would shine on a house just riveted me back to some earlier time in my life when I thought everything was right and in order...unless a tube blew out on the tee-vee 'r something like that. And today was kinda that kinda day with the late-summer warmth and sun and the feeling of the approaching autumn which back then didn't quite shock me into the cold weather doldrums like they woulda later. It was just the natural change of things with new activities to look forward to and new tee-vee shows to watch. Of course those enticing leaps into new and hopefully exciting vistas to frolic in sure wore thin as time crept on, but when you're three you have four, five and six to look forward to and even if what you do end up with ain't exactly what you were expectin' it wasn't as life-crunching as things would later on be. (Tho I dunno...I remember first grade being especially traumatic!)

So here's to the turdler in all of us, the ones who ate their cereals straight from those little Kelloggs variety pack boxes then headed towards the tee-vee for LITTLE RASCALS and had a dad to read 'em NANCY after supper and knew when and where the cartoons on tee-vee were gonna be aired that day. Somehow I think that this kinda kiddoid creature and his aging doppelganger have even more relevance to the world today than alla those underage anti-gun and environmentalist types who seem to be the current rage as far as to how kids are supposed to act in today's stress-filled world. Y'know, the one that certain "pundits" out there say is just ripin' to topple off over the edge and fall smack dab into the bottom of the universe. Which when I was a turdler I thought was kept in a box that was stashed somewhere in that police station where DICK TRACY takes place, 'n maybe that equally kiddoid thought does make more sense'n some of the weird neo-theories that are floatin' around about the creation of the cosmos these days, that's for sure!.
Here's a moom pitcher I can really sink my fangs into, a rare Sci-Fi/Horror thriller courtesy one half of the Kuchar Brothers, mainly Mike! Says much more on a $20 budget than what most major releases can say with millions! If you don't like it, you cannot be my friend.

And now, here's the part of the blog you really dread: And if my writing this week feels rather lopsided it's probably because """""I""""" feel quite lopsided myself in the brain department as if you couldn't tell from my rheumy reminiscences mentioned above. But then again, me at my most lopsided makes most so-called "critics" with their heads screwed on "straight" look pretty toppled over, and you just can't argue with that!!!

Owen Maercks-KINDS OF BLUE LP (Feeding Tube Records)

For once I will ignore the retro-kitsch cover and concentrate on the music at hand. And it's some pretty weirded out stuff as will since the TEENAGE SEX THERAPIST man is back after forty years to do a followup---and what a followup it is! Maercks tackles a whole slew of blues on this platter at times reminding me of (what relatively little I have heard of) the late-sixties blues revivals at the hands of shaggy haired types to the twisted blues of (maybe, but not quite) Captain Beefheart as well as a few other handy comparison points I might think of in the future in order to not look about as much of a dunce as I can about this music. Maercks sounds "old", or at least what old used to mean back when I was up and comin', and his now elderly voice seems to fit in to the various strains strangely enough. Its satisfying, with the results being kinda like if Burl Ives sat in with Bruce Hampton 'r something. Yes, this is that hard to describe in mere words, but it sure does fit in with alla you late-sixties freak rock fanatics who sorta strayed from the form once Bizarre Records gave way to Discreet. Hey, if Beefheart recorded his version of "Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah" it mighta sounded a lot like Maercks'!
The Count Bishops-GOOD GEAR CD-r burn (originally on Dynamite Records)

I still can't imagine how more'n a few sophisticados would up snoot over these hard-on high-energy guys due to some preconceived notion of what "rock 'n roll" was supposed to entail back in the days of Pablo Cruise. These bloozers dish out just about everything good that I like about those mid-seventies pub acts that managed to get a tad bit of press in between the Ian Anderson/Robert Plant feud coverage, and from the mid-fi sound quality to the straight-ahead no frills performance I don't know how the Bishops could not satisfy anyone outside of Bobby Colomby (I remember him stating in MELODY MAKER how he wondered what those old Stones sides would sound like if they were recorded in tune---won't forget you for that one Bob!). This stuff shoulda conquered a whole lotta musical spheres out there but eh, giving the Sopor-ific state of youth how could it?
Jandek-THE RAY CD-r burn (originally on Corwood Industries Records)

If I were Jandek I woulda retired long ago and just basked in whatever it is that a Jandek would bask in, but this man is made of sturdier stuff! This new Cee-Dee features one extended track of over an hour featuring him speaking seemingly random thoughts over an interesting in-and-out avant rock backing that does about as many trips with your head as Jandek's vocalizing (and music) could possibly do. As usual it is difficult to describe and even pinpoint the music and exactly where Jandek is attempting to take us on this journey which at times recalls some Damo Suzuki-styled marathon recording with Can and at others a soundtrack to some unreleased underground film of the late-sixties that wasn't made by a bunch of fifteen-year-old hipster wannabes. Maybe even a rare Sky Saxon release nobody knows about! It takes a marathon-minded person to be able to handle it all in one take (it took me two, but then again I was called away about halfway through) and if you are one who can or has, I have about as much respect for you as I do the winner of a pancake eating contest held in the high school gym!
THERE ARE BUT THREE SMALL FACES CD-r burn (originally on The Third Eye Records)

An undoubtedly illegal collection of rare Small Faces radio appearances in varying quality, not that dissimilar to other British Invasion group collections from WHO'S ZOO to SUMMER RERUNS. Bits of dee jay announcements make for a listen akin to your average tape trade list John Peel collection, and if you prefer the immediacy of those next to the legit studio albums you'll probably like this. The Small Faces were never part of the upper ranks of my fave sixties English rock groups but this collection does captures some of the fun and jamz that I look for when spinning those mop top melodies which were all the rage when I was just beginning to handle the whys and wherefore of bladder control. And now that I'm beginning to re-enter into the age of incontinence this might just mean all the more!
The Kingsmen-VOLUME II CD-r burn (originally on Sundazed Records)

Sundazed took off all the phony applause making for a release that I'm sure will accompany your old flea market copy just swell. There's nothing here that you'd call top notch Northwest Rock at least compared to the likes of the Sonics, but this sure does make for a better than you'd expect affair what with the group going through a buncha covers both local (Dave Lewis' "David's Mood") and not ("Ooh Poo Pah Doo", not as good as Paul Revere's) making for a good mid-sixties night out in the privacy of your own fart-encrusted bedroom. The spirit of suburban slob trashy stash it in the mildewed basement rock lives on with this timeless relic.
MORPHINE MAMBO JAZZ CLUB CD-r burn (originally on Plastic Records, Italy)

If you can't get enough English moom pitcher soundtrack music into your life this might be the disque to get. Spooky and jazzy passages will conjure everything from clandestine spies to sneaky happenings just like they embellished the action goin' on during one of those furrin' flickers that you'd watch on some Sunday afternoon hopin' that the station forgot to edit out some titty. Maybe you can get this and play it randomly while you're on the bus or walking down the street. It'll be like you have your own soundtrack to whatever you're doin' in this life of yours and won't it make things all the more meaningful if you do?
Various Artists-JUICY PUCCI SAILING MATCH CD-r burn (Bill Shute)

On this shortie Bill stuck the ENTIRE six-song EP that was recorded by a group called the New Order, neither the post-Stooges El Lay-area aggregate nor the early-eighties disco group. This New Order was more or les a clean cut mid-sixties pop act that had some slight resemblance to the poppier Beatles tracks of the day with the usual SoCal feeling that would later be known as "Sunshine Pop". Take it for what it is, and while you're at it take the rest of this for what it is as well from Dead Duck and the Three Juicy Grooves' neato early-sixties rock to the American Lads tellin' Khrushchev where he can go and it ain't Disneyland! Gotta say that Cary Trusty straddles the vocals and instrumentals genres fine what with his versions of "You Better Move On" and "Night Rider". Well, it did make for a nice, innocuous half hour or so.
NOW IS THE TIME! Yes, the time for me to recoup plenty of money I lost cranking out these BLACK TO COMM back issues! Yes, I really thought (make that "was under the delusion") that these rags were gonna overtake the entire sick "rock zine" world what with the bright writing, rock scoops and other pleasantries that are to be found within. You can do worse, and you have whenever you picked up a copy of the competition. Now might also be the time to correct a good thirtysome years of pallid and meaningless rock criticism that was crammed down your ever-eager throat by picking up one or a few. Might not help, but it won't hurt anything other'n your wallet.

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