Thursday, September 13, 2018


If any of you are old enough to be nostalgic for pre-1961 Amerigan tee-vee you might just love this 'un.

Of course not for the RIGHT reasons. Maybe it'll dredge up those memories of the days when Hollywood put a damper on pre-1945 Amerigan-made films being aired in this country and television stations hadda rely on old European cinema, usually of the low budget variety, to fill out those pre-prime time and late-night schedules. And if there was any flick that could cure your insomnia during those those insomniac times in your life its CONTRABAND SPAIN, a particularly snoozearoo feature that loses it in many ways even with the presence of tee-vee's very own Robin Hood, mainly one Richard Greene.

It's a police/spy sorta affair having to do with smuggled counterfeit plates and the dead brother of an Amerigan agent who was in on the deal. Sounds spiffy true, but the whole thing is just dampered by the lack of action and general boring Old World outlook that many of these films had garnered over the years. Bad enough to the point where, when giving this one an eyeballing, your mind actually FLASHES BACK to those early dayze when you were wonderin' yourself why you had this one on when you coulda been watching Jack Paar cry his eyes out on the other station.

Greene really ain't nothing without a bow and arrow, while female lead Anouk has all of the charm and sexiness of...well, any of the actresses who are up and about TODAY. The rest seem to be phoning it in, and given the stuffiness these low budget European monstrosities can exude well, it ain't like I have to be watching this but SOMEBODY'S gotta warn ya!

Hokay, I should say something GOOD about it because we have to be all inclusive and nicey-nice in these kulturally-saturated inoffensive unless it's to someone who deserves it times, so lemme say that the color print was quite expressive, the outdoor scenes breathtaking and those old European automobiles really do look suave a good fiftysome years after cars lost a whole lotta that elegance they once had. Hope you're happy, you hand-holding world-saving types you!

Ya have kids? If they're badskis do what I would and make 'em watch CONTRABAND SPAIN on a rainy Sunday afternoon just like I woulda had I experienced the same misfortune age snacks and no bathroom breaks either, and when they complain about how bad their own life situations are just tell 'em that these films were OUR version of the old thumbscrews and hairshirts of yore so don't say we didn't have it bad either! Nyah!

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