BLOG TO COMM

BOOK REVIEW! PULL DOWN THE SHADES - GARAGE FANZINE 1984-86 by Richard Langston (HoZac Books, 2023)

Yeah, I said I wasn't gonna get it if only because of the fact that the people who trudged out this compilation of a comparatively obscure eighties-vintage New Zealand fanzine entitled GARAGE had the unmitigated haggis to include some commentary written by a certain chupapollas who goes by the moniker Tom Lax. Now that name might mean nada to you but it sure meant a lot to the people who were involved with PULL DOWN THE SHADES, undoubtedly due to the fact that Mr. Lax released various within-the-realm-of-GARAGE's-scope New Zealand underground wares on his very own Siltbreeze label. It sure means a lot to me as well because after I graciously dubbed some rare tapes for this seemingly friendly fellow he decided to join in on the pile on instigated by Jay Hinman's own character assassination a good two decades back, chiming in about the horrid quality of one of the tapes and the fact that Tom Hazelmyer hadda force Lax to send me a Siltbreeze label Halo of Flies single! It all kinda reminded me of that MAD magazine spoof of he-man mags for sissies entitled CHICKEN, the part where the "Chicken of the Month" upon seeing some toughies beat up a little girl, runs into the fray, slaps the girl one himself, then quickly skeedaddles away! Kick any crutches outta the arms of any crippled kids lately Tom?

I originally had an extremely long and scathing writeup regarding this man (along with a detailed comment on the inclusion of a review of the mag written by a certain Patrick Amory, a guy who really deserves the aforementioned chupapollas descriptor) within the realm of this review but decided to can it. I mean, why should any of you care one bit about my passion for a well-deserved REVENGE anyway, even though for me it means all the world?

But against my better judgement I actually went out and bought my own PULL DOWN THE SHADES which goes to show you that maybe my sales resistance isn't as sturdy as my own sense of personal pride ought to be. Well, the fact that some brave commenter on this very blog brought up the fact that none other than my very own crudzine is briefly (very briefly it turns out) mentioned within PULL DOWN THE SHADE's pages helped lower my sales resistance somewhat. Sheesh I didn't even know that BLACK TO COMM even made it as far as New Zealand way, but y'all know just how much of a sucker I am for seeing my name in print (at least in a positive, non snarky way) and for just that I actually dished out the hard-begged dinero for the thing. Well if was either for that or for my Vitamin D-3 pills and you all know where my priorities lie! 

And so...now you know what kinda buttons of mine to push when it comes to my long-held PASSIONS, and if you didn't know it by now let me tell you this --- music is one of the few things in my existence that I will defend and maybe even maim and kill for in its pure and holy name. No Mr. Hinman, music is not something that I would call "unimportant" by any stretch of the imagination --- it is perhaps the only reason for me sticking around on this planet any more than I have to. The madder you get me about it well, the more resolve I have to DESTROY all of you (like you did me) over it. (And like I said a few months back, I can forgive or at least I can to an extent, but in no way will I allow myself to forget. After all, it is hard to forget being fucked over the way I was and probably will be for the rest of my born days by low on the rung people such as you.)

Looks as if I didn't edit enough of that bile out of my system but I sure have the RIGHT to make my opinions known even thought most of you are undoubtedly bored silly by it all. Anyway... A fanzine entitled GARAGE might lead one to believe that this was one of the many eighties-oriented rags devoted to covering the crazier aspects of mid-sixties local rock aesthetics, but it sure was no UGLY THINGS or any of the wide assortment of mid-sixties homages that were a welcome relief from the MTV garbage so prevalent during those staider than staid times. Naw, within the pages of GARAGE's six ish run was one of the more concise documentations of the New Zealand "sixties revival" scene (or much better yet sixties rock influenced scene) which spewed forth a whole number of groups that really made an impression on the smart set trust fund kiddies with enough spending money to buy out the Taj Mahal. And PULL DOWN THE SHADES collects 'em all, complete with the personal ruminations and interviews with a number of "important" people spewing their usual personal opines on the subject. Unfortunately those include the ones by Mr. Lax and for the life of me I will not LET it get my goat (but it will)!

Due to these lack of finances I in no way was or am for that matter one iota familiar with most (if not practically all) of the four-decades old New Zealand underground music that is covered in GARAGE's them thar pages. Other'n for maybe a few Verlaines promos that I remember were fair enough and a Chills album I hadda beg a certain someone for a free copy (both good but not good enough to cash in for platters I needed more) I am about as ignorant of the New Zealand underground as I'm sure most female indie rock types are of feminine hygiene which is really saying something! Now I did like some of the Tall Dwarfs but not enough that one of their promos also got plopped onto the sell pile (kept my NZ originals tho). Gawrsh, putting out my own publication during those extremely tight budgeted days really took a whole lot outta my record collection!

Heck, I don't even think I've heard a Flying Nun label record in my entire sad 'n sorry life let alone owned one! Not that I am immensely saddened by this fact but hey, I guess it was things like owning records like the ones GARAGE covered that gave you the all of them important brownie points one needed to have some gosh darn standing in the underground rock scene of them days.

Well, one thing that perhaps cooled my jets regarding the New Zealand groups was the incessant hipper 'n hip hype that sure came off somewhat calculated (the latest in a horribly long line of local self-promotion that when it came down to it made me very wary), and given that lack of filthy lucre it wasn't like I was gonna be dishing out a whole lot for more of that twee music (or I assumed so, and you know what Felix Unger said about that word!) that might have gotten some college radio rodents tingling in the groin area but probably would do nothing other than bore me silly! But eh, I got the book and figured that maybe I should, besides see my mag's name in print, learn about these kinda groups which may somehow appeal to me before my hearing's totally shot to shit, y'know.

Even after a mild perusing I must fess up to the fact that I really do think that GARAGE was a fairly interesting local scene 'zine, or at least one that did a great job layout/printing-wise whilst covering what to these locals must have seemed like a music that was really worth blabbing about. It sure (thankfully) lacks a load of the narcissism and self-love that some of the competition on the home made publication scene wallowed in, and the writing is so good that even a fool like myself who knows very little other'n what I told you about already can enjoy reading about these groups even if, for the life of me, I can't see buying most if not all of the spinners mentioned in GARAGE's pecked out pages.

(Well, a solitary review did catch my attention and that was the one printed in ish #4 regarding some locals called the McGoohans. With a name like that mental visions of more audio twee permeated my brain, but that writeup sure made this bunch and their McGOOHAN TOUCH LP come off like something that might just koochy-koo my fancy. Not enough that I would pay collectors' prices for the thing but what else is new?) 

Plenty seed is spilled regarding groups like the Bats, Doublehappys, Clean, Sloths and a whole slew more and even though these groups were about as much a part of my eighties listening tastes as The Masked Ginny Lynn they probably will mean more'n just a little to at least a smattering of you. And reading about 'em was enjoyable in its own down home way since well, it is healthy to learn about new things (even if they are four decades old) once in awhile because as I've always said you learn something new every day!

Just to give themselves an "international flair" a small enough portion of GARAGE is devoted to various longtime and definitely non-New Zealand oriented faves like Captain Beefheart, the Cramps, the Jesus and Mary Chain, Alex Chilton and Roky Erickson (the contrast between the local and not-so acts reminds me of the "American Food" portion of your average Chinese eatery's menu in case Aunt Mabel feels queasy about that furrin' stuff). It sure is refreshing to the musical soul to see others go on and on about these acts even if these particular pieces, like many of my own eighties/nineties efforts, sorta comes off like one of those "NOW IT'S MY TURN TO WRITE ABOUT "EM!" articles that trot out the same facts we've all known about for ages, with a few personal points tossed in to make it all look savvy of course. Thank goodness these fan-oriented efforts are presented in somewhat of a fresh perspective (at times with points and positions made that never even entered your mind) which makes the umpteeth piece on cult artist "X" worth settling down with especially on them cold winter nights.

GARAGE had the look, swivel and down home flavor that a guy like me has loved in these bedroom-level publications.. If you claim to be somewhat of a fan of not only eighties underground New Zealand scene (unlike me) but the entire rock fanzine concept (like me!), or are pretty much infatuated with these "non-professional" efforts which have always come off so on-target in approach and result (especially when compared with every bit of "professional" rockscribing that has gone down the pikes since the early eighties), you might consider seeking a copy of PULL DOWN THE SHADES for your own personal rockist library. You'll love it despite your preconceived notions that New Zealand is a somewhat outta the loop and backwards place not only as far as music is concerned, but as a nation of sheep farmers and unbridled feminists who really do deserve to have their teeth knocked out. I guess you just can't escape them human vermin nohow.