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Ah, Christmas! Time once again to put on my Catalonian peasant outfit, find a live nativity scene hosted by some church, and do my caganer routine! Sure I'm always getting in trouble but think of all the laughs as they drag me away to jail, after giving my hiney a proper scrubdown in order to make things in the olfactory department a whole lot easier. Awww, quite being culturally insensitive, you white people you!

Unlike Bill Shute I don't have one of those Puritan-like animuses towards the Christmas Season. At least I didn't until all of the Socially Pious prigs who run everything these days all of a sudden put a damper on this relatively harmless and one-time funzy affair to the point where the mere "Merry Christmas" phrase seems to have turned into hateful, spiteful, triumphalist speech! But man, I still have quite a few good memories of Christmases past, especially the very early ones when life was a whole lot more exciting and forward-looking for a mere suburban slob turdler who thought the next seventy-some years of his existence were gonna be Outer Space extraordinary!!!

Even during my rather depressing stool years Christmas was that little break we kids sure coulda used a whole lot more of and a whole lot more longer one of considerin' just how bad we all had it back then! And even when I entered the halls of maturity I enjoyed my holidays such as the one of 1976 when I not only scored that copy of the Hampton Grease Band's MUSIC TO EAT a few days prior to the week-plus "get away from it all" but remember the fun I had spending Christmas loot on a variety of platters both cut out and not across a wide array of record stores in the tri-county area. (And some still sit proudly in my collection, although on the top of my head the only one I do remember buying is the Monty Python live platter---the English, not the Amerigan one because the cover looked a whole lot better!).

Since there is NADA out there that really captures the old Christmas feeling (even Hallmark has succumbed to a fluff that makes Redi-Whip seem like concrete) I thought I'd slap on these old episodes of the sainted THE ADVENTURES OF OZZIE AND HARRIET television series that really do give me an idea of just how attuned-to-you those times used to be especially when you were slap dab right in the middle of ranch house USA general fun and games! Hope you can kick up your feet and osmose the tru blu Christmas jamz with these shows which sure say a whole lot more about the holidaze'n a stocking just STUFFED with rotting oranges ever will!

There are more episodes, both Christmas-related or not, available via youtube! Who sez you have to spend your evenings staring at Anderson Cooper anyhow???

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The above came courtesy of the Droogs, who are you know are one of the better rock 'n roll aggregates extant! Nice of them to send me money, but next time howzbout treating us fans to a new record???

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The dirtiest Christmas song I've heard so far...."Ding Dong Merrily on High"! And to all that may I add---"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good riddance!"

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And now to the platters, courtesy Bill, Paul, Brad, ugEXPLODE and my own hard work and toil. Sure it ain't as exciting as those Christmas gimmes of yore but if I try hard enough I can ooze out some of that pre-jaded feeling...

 

Comateens-1980-1985 3-LP set (Tricatel Records)

I remember seein' these guys' names plastered across a whole slew of VILLAGE VOICE "Cafes/Clubs/Discos" listings back during the glory years of under-the-underground rock 1979-1981. In fact, my interest in the Comateens was even piqued the time Peter Crowley in his Max's ad mentioned something about 'em having "a (velvet) underground sense about 'em" or somethin' to that effect. Their self-released single was evident of the pop damage that they could produce (ditto for the spin off Dizzy and the Romilars rec), and the 12-inch of "Street Night City" had an interesting early-sixties Joe Meek meets the boys on the corner lilt to it that appealed to me even if theses guys were way more new wave 'n punk rock. I also duf the 2X5 sampler where the 'teens got to strut their stuff in between acts even more engaging (the Fleshtones) and not (Student Teachers).

But how did they fare on their major label platters issued long after the New York Scene fizzed away from decadence to art project pose? Actually not too bad at first. But still these platters do bear the markings of eighties new wave unto gnu wave (copyright 1983 Bill Shute) miasma. 1981's COMATEENS actually sounds bright without being spunky and features not only a reworking (not as good but eh!) of "Street Light City" but a wavoid "Munsters Theme" that's almost as good as Foreign Bodies and a whole buncha gnarly deca-rockers that more or less typified New York City during those days when it was. Nothing as stark as Suicide, but still enough for you not to write it off as chic fashion.

I dunno about the last two entitled PICTURES ON A STRING and DEAL WITH IT respectively, both which are steeped into the usual early/mid-eighties new waveposes and synth scrawls to the point where alla them bad MTV images that signaled the true death of rock 'n roll just come shootin' back at'cha! However, when the going gets tough things do satisfy with a few tracks that right outta nowhere catch you by surprise to the point where even you will say "Man, that's pretty good!!!!!" Case in point, "Cold Eyes" which with a few minor changes might just have been thee T.Rex hit to have topped 'em all!

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Cecil Taylor-INDENT LP (Freedom Records)

Gol Darn that Brad Kohler! He shoulda knowed that I already had this rekkid in my collection when he sent it to me for Christmas! Well, mine ain't exactly in the tippy-toppest of shape, and it ain't on white vinyl either. Not only that but the sound is really good giving you that old warm vinyl feeling that you really cannot get outta compact disques or tape. It's THICK too. Hokay Brad, I'll let you off the hook this time but next year howzbout something more personal, like a gift certificate to Hair Club For Men???

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The Flying Luttenbachers-IMMINENT DEATH CD (ugEXPLODE/God Records)

One good way to ring in the new year would be to spin this new Flying Luttenbachers platter and let your ears do the ringing for you! All kidding aside I was really surprised at the all out energy and non-calculated use of sound as unbridled expression ('stead of unbridled out of control noise, not that there's anything wrong with that!) which just gushes through on this new platter. Straddling the rock/free improv tightrope like nothing since DAILY DANCE or at least the English Ascension, these Luttenbachers present some of the better free play outside the "serious" boundaries I've heard in quite awhile. Not only that but the overall electronic expression mixed with a passionate horn eruption which comes off like nothing since Roscoe Mitchell really does something positive to perk up these ol' ears! I'll betcha you can't take it...I dare you sissies to give this one a lissen to! Whassa matta fraidycats???

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Nico-APRIL 8, 1984 LONDON ENGLAND CD-r burn

The eighties. That's when it seemed as if everything that was good about the sixties and seventies went to seed and we all kinda wondered what we liked about it inna first place. And like we sure wished how things coulda been like they were back when Nico was considered some sorta vital decadent force instead of the overweight hair-dyed relic on this live tape where she drones on and on without the Teutonic beauty and grace of THE MARBLE INDEX. Doldrums-level goth sounds just ain't what they were once cracked up to be. Stock up on the Ny-Quil before slapping this on the laser launching pad.

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Various Artists-WOLF PARTY -- NEW ZEALAND WEREWOLF SOUNDS FROM STINK MAGNETIC CD-r burn (originally on Voodoo Rhythm Records)

These retro-rockers that seem to clutter up the place (mainly Paul McGarry's playroom) might have the right amount of rock snot funtime attitude that's needed for a jolly good listening time, but man if some of this stuff sounds like a retread of a retread of a retread. Not that I would personally put any of the acts here down, but I gotta say that alla this was done fine back inna seventies when the Gizmos and Cramps were layin' down the groundwork for this kinda music, or better yet building up on the fun and jamz that were goin' down way back in those horrid fifties and enlightened sixties  In udder words it's all copasetic with the proper ideals that make rock 'n roll a vastly different equation than just plain ol' "rock" was, but for old turds like me who've heard it all before it's time to act like your old jaded bozo self and poo-poo that new generation for bein' so----pale in comparison. McGarry also burned a few EEE-PEES for me on this disque, one from Melody Massacre and the other Lord Rochester. The above can be said about these guys as well though they sure know how to put out good record covers. If ya gotta get 'em get 'em for that!

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MIJ-YODELING ASTROLOGER CD-r burn (originally on ESP-Disk)

Dunno exactly why Bill Shute burned this 'un for me since I already have a copy of it which I got during the big ESP reissue craze of 1992! YODELING ASTROLOGER wasn't exactly one of my top ESP reissue faves, and this twenny-plus year spin reminds me why. It's definitely the whole hippoid folky aspects what with MIJ's affected Donovan vocals (not bad in itself, though without Jeff Beck what use is it?) and the general late-sixties college dorm staidness of it all. Too bad the influence of Marc Bolan wasn't as all-encompassing as it would get within a few years or else this might have been a real wowzer!

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Various Artists-SPIDER-CHASING TAYSTEE TWIST CD-r burn (Bill Shute) 

Shee-yucks! I was hoping that Cosmo & the Counts; :Let's Do The Taystee Twist" song was gonna be about some local soft-serve ice cream chain but it's nothin' but pluggin' some bakery! Oh well, at least I get a whole load of cheerful tracks to help me get over the disappointment including some Spanish-language popsters, a few punk unto punque efforts that just might give Tim Yohannon a hard on in his grave (but they're still good 'nuff fer me) and even Xaviera Hollander making a joke that's gonna go over the head of your Aunt Matilda. The cornball patriotic tracks (including a boffo anti-protest rocker undoubtedly inspired by "Eve of Destruction") will rankle the ire of the more, er, Marxist readers I have and of course Wanda Jackson is always worth the effort to listen to considering how her smooth voice matched her streamlined body. Unfortunately there ain't any of those Christmas season ads to get me in the spirit, but maybe they're on some other Bill burn lost in the stacks.

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Hey, it's not too late to buy some of these BLACK TO COMM back issues that just happen to still be available for neato last-minute Christmas presents. Just think of the look on your wife's face when she opens her gift and finds a wide array of these essential fanzines staring back at her. Then just think of the look on your face when she slams her new iron right into your puss! Uh, better just buy 'em for yourself and if your wife wants any she can get 'em herself!