It was a real turdburger weekend here at BLOG TO COMM central sitting through these two snoozers, the first being Jayne Mansfield in her final and (if you really wanna believe Walter Winchell) finest performance as a grizzled old prostitute who is deeply admired by the typically loudmouth teenage wopadago gal who lives next door. Some snippets of spark and blood vessels do appear in this slow and agonizing film, but it ain't worth sitting through the spiritually soporific flashbacks and first-time performances to get to whatever fiber of meat there may be in this downright yawner.
Nineteen-seventy's CINDY AND DONNA at least has some snazz to it perhaps because every female inna moom 'cept the boozoid mother shows off her stuff and with ample camera time to boot. Despite that tasty come-on this drive-in romper more or less reminds me of what an episode of THE BRADY BUNCH would come off like if it were to be exposed to red kryptonite. Surprisingly risque for the times (even earning an "X" rating and some legal notoriety in Tennessee even though no actual carnal oompah or even genitalia/surrounding vicinities is shown), this tale of tawdry sex in the suburbs and a young girl's "cumming of age" is for the most part an early-seventies period piece with loads of boobs and butts for the raincoat crowd out there. Not only that, but it's also jam-packed with funny early-seventies-styled plots, dialogue and acting that coulda appeared in an episode of INSIDE/OUT or any of those educational PBS programs they used to show on afternoon tee-vee for many a year!
For what there is of it, this is yet one of those suburban decadence films with a theme straight out of an Elliot Murphy song. Set in El Lay, the (step) father's a horny mid-aged contractor hot on this underage stripper/prostitute with big dairies who dances it up at the local bar, while mom's a ditz who has this weird accent that sounds like Australian mutating into brain damage. Meanwhile the oldest daughter is getting more experience than Jimi ever did while young sis is wondering about it all, watching her half-sibling get banged by everyone from the boyfriend to stepfather himself! Of course she'll find out soon enough, even if Rodney's English Disco was a few years away from opening.
If teenage whackoffs are your thing you'd be up front with the plastic bag for this! Otherwise maybe you can find a more respectable way to relieve your frustrations, like an art book filled with classic oil paintings or better yet a craftily reconditioned Land O' Lakes box of butter. I mean gee...would you really wanna be caught dead watching a film like this let alone abusing yourself while it's playing whether in some rundown theatre or your own abode?
But if you do, just click here and, as they say, wankers aweigh!
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