BLOG TO COMM

BLOBS LIKE US, BABY WE WERE BORN TO COOK!

After all these months it looks like it's "YUM YUM EAT 'EM UP!" time here at BLOG TO COMM! I haven't done a cooking post for quite awhile, but that doesn't mean I haven't been busy whipping up all sortsa delights inna kitchen! Read on and make sure you have PLENTY of Rolaids on hand...which reminds me of that riddle...stop me if you've heard it, but what do you call a homosexual tumbling down a hill...

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When I was a young and sprouting fanabla I absolutely detested eggs in any form. Other'n home made eggnog which was kinda like a thin milkshake to my single-digit mind, and even then they would neglect to put the booze in which made such a drink a delight! First off I hated the smell of eggs frying in heavy grease which reminded me of a Patagonian left out in the hot sun for three days, that searing body stench-like smell with turned my stomach about as much as that of fried shrimp (another food I began to detest at least until the advent of popcorn shrimp which was less offensive to the olfactory). The eggs that were served up were also about as rubbery as one of those Thing Maker bugs that didn't quite make it, so between the texture and the odor you could say that I would much rather enjoy the benefits of huffing my own armpits because well, at least it's MY smell and not some one else's.

My anti-egg mentality changed slowly, first when I would order fried rice at the Chinese restaurant and noticed bits of scrambled eggs in the mix. Not wanting to cause a rabid anti-egg scene I decided to eat 'em up and thought that it tasted OK to me what with the rice overpowering the scrambled stuff! After that I took chances, first with Egg Foo Young and then with lunch counter omelettes and discovered that hey, this hen fruit tastes okey dokey if its mixed well enough and have loads of meat, cheese and hot sauce (an important factor) to help mask the egg taste. So today I must proudly call myself a bonafeed egg fan, although I still refuse to eat 'em sunny-side up or un-mixed in any way (and that includes boiled!) and when they're scrambled there better be plenny of shredded cheese melted on top and of course that aforementioned hot sauce and maybe some meat mixed in with the onions and sausage to help get it down the ol' gullet into my waiting stomach.

However while I would often order omlettes at the local fambly-type restaurants my attempts at making  'em up inna kitchen have usually been disastrous, ending up as scrambled eggs with wiener slices in 'em that looked about as appetizing as your standard puke mixture. However, that all ended when, one day at the supermarket, I saw an item called the Nordic Microwave Omlette Maker hanging in the dairy department and, after much debate inside my usually cavernous head, decided to split with my $5.50 and buy the thing given the tempting idea of me being able to make my own hot breakfast that didn't include instant oatmeal. And hey, I would say that this purchase was the best parting of my $5.50 at least since I spent that tidy sum on the Mothers of Invention's FREAK OUT, which might have seemed like a good waste at the time but was a better purchase than ZOOT ALLURES I'll tell ya.

So yer wond'rin' just how does ol' Chris Crass make his omlettes so early in the mornin' when he should be goofin' off like a nice li'l suburban slob should! Well I'll tell ya. First get three eggs and whip 'em up good (after you break 'em and dump the inner goop into the mixing bowl being sure to check for little shards of shell that might have fallen in...get those fragments out or be prepared for a few annoying crunches in your finished product!). I use the electric mixer for this and whip and whip until the eggs are nice and really frothy. Now, here's where I break away from the standard omlette-making recipe...I add a little bit of milk, some flour and a bit of baking powder (about two tablespoons of milk, a tablespoon of flour and about a teaspoon of powder in case yer one of those anal retentive types who MUST KNOW!) along with a small shake or three of salt, and MIX AWAY SOME MORE. Ahh, nice and airy, plus the added ingredients will get your mind off the fact that you are eating chicken abortions.

No gals, it's not what you think it is.

Now I get my handy Nordic Microwave Omlette Maker (see illustration at left), open its clam-like case, pour in some of the mixture evenly on both sides (be sure to place maker on a microwavable plate in case some spills over, plus it will be easier to remove), and microwave on full power for about a minute to a minute and a half until all of the liquid is gone and you get nothing but nice, fluffy omlette! Now remove the opened case and add your goodies...personally I like to chop up ham really fine (lunchmeat will do or maybe some of the canned variety) and whatever cheese suits you. Swiss or Cheddar happen to be the ones I like. Only remember to fill the innards on one side of the mold. Now close the other side, make sure its clicked shut, and microwave for another minute! When that's over with just plop the omelette into your dish.

Personally one of these omlettes is not enough so I usually make two which makes for a filling breakfast that'll keep ya goin' sometimes right up until supper! And as of the here and now I have yet to make a dud and not only that but I have been doing some experimenting along with ways mostly to good avail. Tomorrow I'm planning on making a western omlette with corned beef hash and diced onions with a few jalapeno peppers diced in (in anticipation, already fried this mess up where it resides in the fridge) and of course the obligatory cheese, which will all be slathered in hot sauce and gobbled up while I fittingly watch THE ROY ROGERS SHOW! A pretty good meal fit for a king, or even a queen with a hunkerin' for a high carb intake.

For a real deal treat, chop up some onion, tomato and pepper (maybe even some raw mushrooms!) real fine and put 'em in with the egg mixture. Cook for an additional minute or so then rinse and repeat! Nice, slightly crunchy and good enough you don't even need to put hot sauce on it!

How if any of you think I've forsaken my CAP'N CRUNCH for this new breakfast feast you must remember the ol' fambly tradition dating back to February 9th of 1964 which still holds firmly in place. Y'know, the one which taught this up 'n budding turdler that breakfast cereal can be eaten ANY TIME OF THE DAY and even with parental blessings which I must admit has made for some rather pleasant late-night snacking if I do say so myself! You reg'lar readers ought to know that I sure ain't goin' overboard on the Guppy in favor of my current early rise 'n shine fave---the Cap'll always rule the cereal roost around here unless there's a good reason for mutiny!

NEXT DAY POSTSCRIPT!-The corned beef hash omelette came out great with the meatiness and potatoes sorta mingling with the hot peppers and the cheese was boffo even if I think Swiss mighta been a better choice to use than sharp cheddar. I already saw that ROY ROGERS episode so eh!

POST-POSTSCRIPT!!!-A variant on the above I thought up myself! I love that Mexican dish chilles rellanos and was thinking up a quicker and easier way to make the thing so voila, what I did was mix some Bisquick and milk in with the egg mixture, microwaved it for a minute and a half or so, then stuffed the thing with shredded sharp white cheddar cheese and diced chilis from right outta the can. Then I microwaved the thing for about two minutes, plopped it out and poured enchilada sauce and sour cream over the resultant mess! A delicious mess if I do say so myself!

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HP SAUCE --- GLORIFIED A-1? It has been said that English food is so bad but it seems good because Scotland is due north! I dunno if that is true, but given how popular the condiment otherwise known as HP Sauce is o'er there I get the idea that the English like to put it on everything because it helps cover up the taste of the stuff that's being served! Sorta like inna USA only we douse everything with hot pepper sauce!

Even though a lotta the English grub I have downed really didn't settle too well (Devon custard not being sweet enough and Marmite a whole load of "WHAT WAS THAT???") I was curious as to just what this HP Sauce was all about. Although I cannot find any of it at any of the local supermarkets (ditto for curry catsup which I have to make myself!) I begged my cyster to get me some for Christmas, more or less that is. And y'know what? She did, perhaps due to the guilt over how she's treated me all these years because what else?!?!

HP Sauce reminds me of a cross between the aforementioned A-1 and the Heinz 57 steak sauce that we used to get way back when, with a spice I believe is cardamom used to give it that unique flavor which really makes whatever it is glopped onto taste even gooder. It "compliments" everything from fried fish to my home made meat pies, though the high price guarantees that I'm gonna use this stuff sparingly at least until next Christmas. But then again who knows...she'll probably get me handkerchiefs next go' 'round so I better save up the pennies for a case or three of HP!

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BLOG TO COMM DRINK OF THE YEAR!-an' it's alcoholic too. Take a can of your fave beer or ale, add equal parts Mountain Dew, and get the best nostalgic drinking experience that'll take you back to age twelve when you were swigging HOPPIN' GATOR when nobody was lookin'!

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CHICKEN CURRY SERVED MY WAY!-If you like Indian food but are afraid of which hand your waiter uses to wipe you might wanna make some of your own and stay home for once! That's what I did with this recipe that I actually adapted from one snatched from a 1961 vintage TV GUIDE. with a few twists and turns of my own thrown in for good measure. An' it sure tastes good whether you're watching the great shows that were on way back when or even the drek being passed off for entertainment these days!

First get some boneless chicken pieces (or get chicken with bones and rip the flesh off yourself!) and put in a crock pot with some chicken broth/stock, chopped onion, salt,  a stick of butter or margarine, curry powder, ginger and a little turmeric if you can't afford saffron. Let it cook for about six or so hours on low, three hours on high, or ten hours on "keep warm" if you're in no hurry. Then shred the meat, add a small bag of frozen peas into the mix then a cup or three of cashews. Those cheap kind that are busted into small pieces you can get at the five and dime will suit you just fine. Let that all cook up for an hour (man, the smells will drive ya crazy!) before adding a huge cup or so (even more!) of plain yogurt (the Greek kind works wonders), stirring it in until you have a nice gravy-like texture. Warm that up a bit and serve over rice with some naan bread if you really wanna be exotic about it!

Tastes great and really warms you up on a chilly day! Not only that but you don't have to worry about some of those things I heard they stick into Indian cuisine, if the rumors are to be believed... 

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NEVER WASTE FOOD! Unless its totally rancid, but even then I gotta make a decision whether or not to throw something away. Like those hot Eyetalian sausages that I found in the freezer, a two pound sack of 'em which still contained the sales slip saying that they were purchased way back 2013 way! I didn't think they looked their best to say the least and the package was kinda sticky as if something was either oozing outta it or something from above had dripped upon the bag. But didja think I was gonna throw the rather price-y package out? NOT ON YOUR NELLY!

What I did was peel off the plastic (some of which had stuck onto the sausages and dumped it into my slow cooker, letting the thing thaw out for awhile. To beef up the taste I dumped a can of beer into it and some brown sugar and let the thing cook overnight. Then I grilled a few and ate three of the things...the taste was kinda strange but edible enough that I had three of 'em with a lotta mustard and they went down the gullet fine...no health problems whatsoever which was good. The brown sugar gave it a bit of a sweet taste to counteract the funkiness too!

But what about the rest of the two pounds of cooked sausage? Of course I felt it within my moral and gastronomical duty to put those to good use, so I decided to make some Sausage and Beans, an old tried and true recipe which is always a good way to get rid of things like leftover sausage and vegetables rotting away in the fridge!

First off I soaked a bag of dried pinto beans overnight. Since they always seem to be hard no matter how long you cook 'em you might wanna soak 'em for a MONTH, but overnight'll guarantee that they'll be firm but not tooth-breaking. When ready, rinse and dump 'em into the crock pot. Then slice the sausage up and put that into the pot, followed by a diced large onion, a couple green bell peppers or any other peppers...I put three Jalepenos in for that hot feeling, half a package of cooked, crumbled bacon (I used the imitation turkey stuff), a can of diced tomatoes (or some real ones!) sliced carrots and celery, chopped up garlic and your favorite seasonings (I used basil, parsley, paprika and that good ol' standby salt), all topped off by a four-cup container of chicken broth! If you don't have that peel off a few bouillon cubes and add four cups of water. For an added kick I put a cup of white wine in to give it that ooh la la atmosphere.

Now turn the crock pot onto "low" and forget about it for awhile. If you wanna check onna thing and give it a stir that's fine. I let it cook a looooong time, about a whole day in fact, and I thought the results were pretty good! The sausage still had this funny taste but the other flavors helped mask that. But man does it fill you up and give you that nice and contented feeling when you have a few bowls for it for dinner. But I will say something...when it comes to bedtime you might be celebrating July 4th right beneath your sheets so be warned!

The best thing about this recipe is that you'll have a lotta Sausage and Beans to be had, so it would be smart to freeze some for future usage! Looks like that sausage is gonna have a longer life than I originally thought, eh?

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