Thursday, July 19, 2012


Yet anudder freebee from Bill Shute, to which I say "Bill, what exactly was going on in your head when you burned this one for me? It's not like I'm one of those guys who slips on the ol' raincoat and heads down to the nearest X-rated moom pitcher palace with smile on face and plastic bag hidden in the brim of my hat! Sheesh, and as my mother would have said I thought you were a GOOD boy! No telling what kind of sickos we have out there nowadays, and they just might be one of your biggest pals! Why, I thought this film was so guttural and obscene that I almost took the thing outta the Dee-Vee-Dee player and slapped on something a whole lot more wholesome, like SALO or perhaps even ILSA, SHE WOLF OF THE SS!

All funnin' aside (which I only brought up in order to use an old Archie Bunker joke), a film like ZAP-IN is perhaps one of the cleanest "X" films around, and that even includes Allen Funt's WHAT DO YOU SAY TO A NAKED LADY? which Funt himself was plugging on late-night tee-vee as the cleanest dirty move you ever saw! Sure there's lotsa nekkid juggins and butts here, but then again when it's all wrapped up in some of the cornballest jokes heard since they took HEE HAW off the air it just don't seem as downright nefarious evil as the kinda porn I understand that they have around today. Not that you'd wanna invite Uncle Archer and Aunt Petunia to see this, but if you like looking at topless gals who keep their panties on most of the time (and only take 'em off to show off their "cools", no haystacks in sight in this one!) while engaging in typical late-sixties blackout humor then hey, look no further!

Obv. a LAUGH-IN cash-in, ZAP-OUT's filled with typical sixties dirty humor'n calculated titillation (heavy on the tits) that I'd gander was custom made for the standard late-sixties jagoff...y'know, the kinda guys that went for the lower-class men's mags who just ten years earlier were high school greasers and in fact still had the 1959 flop up and jellyroll haircuts that Wally Wood and Joe Orlando really knew how to draw and sideburns to prove it. The blue collar guy who liked to provoke fights because he knew how to get away with doin' so and who was probably a few steps away from getting tossed outta his apartment between jobs, or at least those kinda guys I used to see sucking on cigarettes and nursing cups of coffee at rundown hamburger joints when I was a mere ten. These kinda guys wouldn't mind being caught dead seeing a film like this, and as usual Herschell Gordon knew that there were probably more'n a few of 'em scattering the diners and bowling alleys of Ameriga just beggin' for entertainment that was conduit to their way, "thinking".

So if you like your jokes off-color if hayseed 'n your gals pre-feminist with hotcha hairstyles and nary a shot of silicone in sight* (not to mention the wondrous lack of tattoos and shiny doohickies all over the fleshy realm) you'll probably like this 'un as much as those twelve-year-olds who spent some hot summer night peering at this 'un whilst hiding in the woods in back of the drive-in (binoculars in hand)! And hey even a suave sophisticado such as I found more'n a little worth within the quickie skits 'n topless dancers...there was at least one homo joke here that's good enough that I'm even gonna tell it to Jillery, and if I hadda spend a good 90 minutes sitting through this to at least catch one good gaggeroo then it was well worth it!

*...tho I did that that hostess Miss Nymphet's own knockers were rather suspicious...more dirigible-like w/o the natural hang to 'em that looks more realistic. I could be wrong, or maybe they just pumped her w/some helium before filming?

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